Last weekend I was lucky enough to go on a trip to Miami for my bachelorette
party. I was accompanied by one sister, two sister-in-laws, one bridesmaid, and
three friends. It was awesome. Before embarking on our journey, we were given
advice from friends and family, most of which were things like “don’t die” and
“don’t lose the bride.” While helpful, there were other things I would've liked
people to have told me so that I could appropriately prepare. So I decided to
make my own list of tips and advice for those of you who may be visiting Miami
in the near future for a bachelorette party. So get our your stilettos and a
pen. You will want to write this down because once you arrive in Miami, you will
be too hammered to remember any of this.
Make friends with the flight attendants (and pilot, if possible). This
generally always works in your benefit (don't bite the hand that feeds you), but
it's especially helpful when you tell them your friend has never been on a
flight before. (Yes this is a true story and yes she’s twenty-six years old.) It
may result in receiving a “My First Flight!” sticker, as well as a trip to the
cockpit (that’s what she said!) for some photos post-landing.
Buy everything at Walgreens. Whether you’re looking for Ben and
Jerry’s Ice Cream, bottles of wine, pop tarts or sunglasses, Walgreens has
everything under the sun and then some. And it’s all for super cheap. This is
how it should be. (Shoppers Drug Mart, take! a! NOTE!). It’s also open 24 hours
a day. Winning!
Eat at Nexxt. I’ve heard the rumours that portion sizes are larger in
the US, but hadn’t experienced it until I experienced Nexxt. I still drool when
I think about this restaurant.
Make friends with the bell-man. (Also known as a bell-boy, bell-hop or
the oft-confusing, bellmen. “Why are you saying it like it’s one word? It
sounds like a type of sweater. Or a sex position.”) But seriously, these
people can tell you about all the best clubs and restaurants, advise you on the
best floors or rooms in the hotel that are not under construction, find you
spoons for your ice cream at 3 a.m., and help you to stay calm when you
temporarily loose all your friends.
Don’t forget travel insurance. Because even though there may be
jellyfish swarming the beach, you may still want to risk it and go swimming in
the ocean. Chances are, if you get travel insurance, no jellyfish will come near
you. But you know that the laws of the universe state that if you forget to buy
insurance, those suckers will automatically sting you out of principle. (NOTE:
I didn't go in the water because I am well-versed in the laws of the universe
and know how backwards and stupid they are. Which is good, except that I'm sad
because I didn't go in the water. I hate you, universe.)
Bring earplugs. In South Beach, construction workers don’t work on
weekdays. That would be silly. Instead, they prefer to work on hotel renovations
between the hours of 7 and 11 am on Saturday mornings. That makes sense, right?
WRONG. This is South Beach, bitches. DID WILL SMITH TEACH YOU
NOTHING? Party in the city where the heat is on. All night on the beach til
the break of dawn. Apparently the sacred song ‘Miami’ means nothing to the
construction workers of Miami. So I repeat, bring your earplugs.
Make friends with a group of Aussie boys. Because there might be some
times where you need a male buffer to ward off other creepy males, or hordes of
creepy males. Just make sure that your Australian buffer is not also creepy, or
else you will be drowning in creepiness with no escape route.
Have fishbowls handy. If you start to feel sick while at a club but
know that you can’t make it to the bathroom, then just give ‘er into a fishbowl.
It doesn't matter what’s in the fishbowl prior to your puke. Just use it, put it
back on the table and try to stumble out of the club as subtly as you can into a
cab and go back to the hotel like it never happened*.
Pack your suitcase the night before. This is in case any unforeseen
events happen the morning of your departure to delay such important activities.
Things like excessive puking, not waking up until 10 am even though you need to
leave at 11 am, and spending an hour fighting with the manager over her
unwillingness to honour her promise of waived hotel fees.
There. Now you are fully prepared to drink your face off in Miami and party
on the beach til the break of dawn. Happy puking!
-Alice
*While this sounds like
something that I would definitely do, it was not me, in fact, that puked in a
fishbowl. It was one of my sister in laws. I will let those of you that know
them guess which one it was.
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