Monday, October 10, 2011

Let's Get Real

Dear fellow mommies,

You may have noticed that my recent posts have been, how shall I say, shitty. And infrequent.

For this, I am sorry. But you have to understand, I still love you dearly even though my wedding has been a huge time-suck lately. I guess it’s my fault, considering that A) I’m the one who demanded a princess wedding, which will be held in a castle no less— oh hells yes you read that right. A castle! Fist pump! And B) I am a procrastinator by choice and nature, which is doubly bad for productivity.

But the thing is, I am smartest in the morning hours. Not the “wee” hours. No, no, those are for burrowing underneath your blankets and dreaming about a world where soap operas don’t end. I’m talking about after 8:30 a.m. but before 2 p.m. I don’t know why my brain works best then; some people say it’s because of a little thing called a good night’s sleep, but I remember a time not so long ago when I was a fully functioning person well into the night and into those precious wee hours and was able to pump out glorious and epic essays and short stories for school. Well, those days are over now. And you might think that doesn’t sound too problematic. Except that I have a toddler. A toddler who won’t sleep during naptime if I don’t tire her out in the morning. So mornings are bit crazy between trying to make storytime at the library before it fills up and trying to make one billion phone calls (and yes, that is an accurate number) and rearranging the seating chart for the seventeenth time since yesterday evening. Once all that is done, it’s naptime. And I don’t just mean for the child. And after that, I’m pretty much a write off. All this is to say that there’s no power left in my brain for good blog posts. I am sorry.

I knew I’d been slacking but two things happened to really make me realize it. One is that my close friend called to ask if I still wrote for the blog, and the second is that I went back and re-read my very first post on the site. Then I re-read last Monday’s post. And then part of my soul died.

I will do better soon, I promise. Just...maybe not today. Or next week either. Once this wedding is over, I will go back to my clever self, regaling you with tales of my epic parental failures. But for now, if you want some Alice, you’re going to either have to deal with my lazy, distracted, late posts, or go back and re-read all the posts from the beginning. (I would highly recommend the latter.)

Anyway, I am sorry for my poor blogging skills as of late, and once my wedding and honeymoon are over, I will come back to you. This is I promise you.*

*Double fist pump for an N*SYNC reference!

I will leave you with some random thoughts on life:

I think all weddings should be a Ke$ha-free environment.

That new sitcom with Zooey Deschenal is ah-mazing. Everyone go watch New Girl! There’s just one thing confusing me; did they replace the token black character with another token black character who looks really similar to the first guy? Seriously, where did Coach go?! Also, I didn’t know that a two-line theme song could get stuck in your head for weeks at a time. (Who’s that’s Jess!)

Thumper tried some turkey on the weekend and liked it, and then asked for more. And she started eating peas again. I think the world is ending.

Angry Birds does not help blog and wedding productivity. But it is so much fun!

Remember how women warned that you would have re-occurring pregnancy nightmares? And remember how they were right? It turns out the same is true for weddings. In the last week, I’ve nightmares of losing a stone in my engagement ring, and being dumped on my wedding day. Gee, I can’t wait to go to sleep again.

Dawson is leaving for his bachelor party today. It’s in Vegas. I would like you all to pray with me that he makes it home safely with all body parts intact, not married to a stripper, and without a sunburn from a prank that left him on the hotel roof for 24 hours.

That’s all for today. If you need me over the next few days, I’ll be in the corner rocking back and forth, trying to avoid thinking about the shenanigans my fiancĂ© is currently getting into.


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