...and makes me crazier than a Real Housewife at some whacked-out
dinner party on a bad day.
Pet peeves. We all have them. Oh
yes, even you, Perfect Mommy. Stuff that even on the happiest of days makes you
want to punch someone in the head. And it’s those same things that, on the
unhappiest of days, make you want to rip off your own arm to use to bash someone
in the head. Such as...
Honking your horn instead
of going to the door
I’m not going to pretend I’ve never
done this. I get that sometimes you’re in a hurry, or maybe you’ve got kids
buckled in the back and don’t want to undo them all, nor do you want to leave
them unattended. But here’s where I draw the line: if you pick someone up daily,
or even weekly, and never once get out of your car to tell them you’ve arrived,
you are an impolite prick. (Especially if you are about 50 years old and picking
up your 75+ mother every day. Ahem! Neighbour of mine!) Why don’t we make a
rule? You can honk once. Wait a little bit, say, one minute. Time it, if you
like. And if the person hasn’t come outside, you need to get out and go get
them, because if they didn’t hear the first honk, they are probably not going to
hear the next eleventy-seven-thousand. If by the time you are out of the car,
the person is already coming out, don’t be mad about “wasting time” having to
get in and out of your seat. Chances are you will both be buckled into the car
at the same time, in which case, you haven’t “wasted” any time; you’ve just done
something with that time instead of sitting on your ass, taking your rage out on
your horn (that’s what she said).
When clothing stores don’t
have mirrors in the change rooms
Again, I understand the thinking
behind this one. They want people to come out of the change room while trying on
clothes partly so they can offer their services and advice but mostly so they
can be assured that you’re not shoving 30 pairs of designer jeans into your
purse. And that’s cool, I guess, except that sometimes I choose clothing that
looks better on the hanger, or on someone that has perky boobs/a belly button
that hasn’t been over-stretched/is nineteen, and don’t want to exit the dressing
room before consulting a mirror. And you might argue that I have no business
wearing anything that involves the word “mini,” and you might be right about
that, but this is Canada, and I reserve the right to at least try it on. I would
also like to reserve the right to try it on, look in the mirror, and take it
right off without having to do a walk of shame in front of nineteen year old
retail associates with perky boobs and perfect belly buttons.
Children repeating the same
question seventy times
We haven’t quite entered the “why”
stage yet, so I don’t know which one is actually more annoying. But for right
now, I’d say Thumper asking “where the fruit loops go?” all morning takes the
cake. There are only so many times I can give the same answer (“in your belly”),
and then there are only so many other responses I can come up with (“they’re
sleeping,” “at the grocery store,” “they’re working their way through your body
and eventually they’ll be in your poop”). It’s also frustrating when the
repeated question is “what’s that?” because, again, very limited response and
also, when the question is being asked while in the car, it’s pretty hard to
even know what the hell my child is referring to. Which reminds
me...
Children who don’t accept
that ‘I don’t know’ as an answer
Again, I don’t know how this will
stack up against the inevitable “why” phase but I will say that I think getting
clocked over the head at one of those insane dinner parties I was talking about
would be less painful than having Thumper continually ask “what’s that?” while
I’m driving because she won’t accept that “I don’t know. I can’t see it, I’m
driving” is a valid answer. Despite what I might say when Thumper is a teenager,
I don’t actually know the answers to everything. And I promise that when my
child is old to enough to be asking real questions, if I don’t know something I
will at least try to look it up and find an answer. Or make up something that
sounds real enough. But for now, sometimes “I don’t know” is going to have to
do, or else I’m gonna have to take myself out with the chair just to avoid the
incessant question-asking.
Now because I would prefer to end
this post on a positive note, let me tell you a few things that always make my
days better.
-When I don’t have to beg Thumper
to cuddle with me when we watch movies
-Reruns of Saved by the Bell
-Having an automatic car starter in
the winter
-Waking up to my daughter singing
the lyrics to “Marry You” by Bruno Mars
-Sleeping in
-Wine
And those are just a few of my
favourite things! But seriously people, if you take anything away from this
post, please remember the one-honk rule. Every extra honk you make earns you an
extra punch from a disgruntled neighbour. Just sayin’.
-Alice
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