All Aboard the Potty Train

Potty training sucks. Even when it's going well, it still sucks.

It's mentally exhausting trying to stay one step ahead of a toddler's many mind games, and it's doubly exhausting to also have to try and stay ahead of their bowel movements. Truthfully, I would have been happy to have left Thumper in diapers well past her third birthday, but the impending arrival of her baby brother meant that I had to undertake the project earlier. Because if there's one thing I don't want to do more than potty train my child, it's potty train my child after having just given birth to another. So, albeit begrudgingly, I picked up my kid and hopped on the bandwagon.

Admittedly, things went smoothly. We didn't have any huge hiccups and Thumper caught on quickly with little resistance. I know I should be hugely grateful for that, and I am, because I know this road isn't so easy for all kids and parents. But I still have to say that everything I stated in my original hate-on for potty training still holds true. I do not like having to literally run to the washroom multiple times a day. I do not like that while I run, my daughter takes a leisurely stroll towards the bathroom. I do not like cleaning up the inevitable accidents. I do not like thinking of ways to entice my kid to want to go potty when our sticker reward system has lost its allure. I do not like battling my daughter to make her go pee before we get in the car. I do not like mentally making a getaway path towards the bathroom in every building I set foot into. I do not like dropping my intended purchases in the middle of the store in order to sprint over to Chapters with my daughter in my arms because Dollarama doesn't allow customers to use their motherf#cking washrooms. I DO NOT LIKE GREEN EGGS AND HAM! I DO NOT LIKE THEM SAM-I-AM! Things got a little off track there, didn't they? The point, as I'm sure you can tell, is that I do not like potty training. Not one little bit. And despite the ease with which we started, we have now entered our first bout of regression. 


More often than not, Thumper waits until she has topeerightthisverysecond to go to the bathroom. I do have to give her credit though, she'll go a little in her underwear, realize what's happening and then actually manage to hold it until she gets to the toilet. But when you've got a wet spot in your underwear every single time you show up to the potty, you've got a problem. And the problem isn't that she doesn't know what it feels like to have to go; she knows, oh she knows. She just doesn't care enough to pay attention to it until it's happening. Do I blame her? No; no one likes to stop what they're doing to go pee. But it does mean that until she learns that she has to care, I have to do it for her. So naturally, I went back to telling her when she has to sit on the toilet - because let's face it, no child answers yes when asked "if" they have to go - but that has caused a huge struggle for control that often results in Thumper screaming and hiding under her bed or running as far from me as possible as soon as the potty is mentioned. And if we are lucky enough to by-pass the pre-trip theatrics, we usually end the trip with some of Mommy's because Thumper will insist on doing everything herself and doing it as slowly as possible. Which means that at some point, that little thread from which my patience is always delicately dangling will snap and I'll turn into such a raving lunatic that I make the women from The Real Housewives franchise look tame. The ironic part about this constant struggle is that I would love nothing more than to not be in charge of her bathroom habits. And I think that's the real root of my beef with potty training. 


I just flat-out don't want to be part of it. I would love love love if Thumper was capable of deciding when to go, or deciding to go in time I should say, and then take care of the clean-up herself. But with children so young, it's just not possible and it's not going to be possible for a few more years and I find it tedious. Is it necessary? Yes. Part of my job as a parent? Absolutely. But...still tedious? 


Abso-fucking-lutely. 


-Alice

Response to the Dumbest Letter to the Editor Ever

Recently, I came across a letter to the editor in my local newspaper that left me feeling a little twitchy. I considered sending in a response, but then I thought posting about it here would be more cathartic for me. The original author may never read this, but at least I won’t have to keep my word count under fifty because I have a lot more than fifty words to say about this article.

Here’s the lo-down on the original letter: a local mom relayed a “frustrating” experience in which she took her seven year old daughters to the park, and upon finding the playground overrun with toddlers, decided they didn’t want to play there for fear of unintentionally hurting the younger kids. The mom is upset that she had to take them to a different park, and is now requesting that parents of toddlers not let their kids use the city parks that have “for children between five and twelve years old” signs on them because it’s unsafe and disrespectful to the kids that the structures are meant for.

Stupid ideas make animated babies cry.

So to recap, mother and children went to the park, smaller kids were playing at the park; mother wants toddlers banned from parks.

Seriously? I mean...seriously?

I don’t even know where to start. Oh, wait. Yes, I do. Did the mom in question make sure that her children refrained from using city parks until after their fifth birthday?

Or I could lead with this: Aren’t those “for children between the ages of five and twelve” signs meant to serve as a reminder that children under five should have proper adult supervision at all times? And also to cover the city’s ass in the event that a parent is dumb enough to try and sue the city after they’re dumb enough to leave their small child unattended on a slide and someone breaks an arm?

No, actually, I’ll begin with a different scenario. There is a huge difference between the ages of five and twelve. I doubt that most twelve year olds enjoy the thought of playing at a park full of seven year olds, probably for the exact reason that this woman’s seven year old daughters didn’t want to play amongst a group of toddlers – because they’d have to adjust their behaviour, which, in the plainest of terms, means toning their shit down a notch so as to make sure not to pummel someone. Now, if these twelve year olds started campaigning to have those younger than them play at separate parks, wouldn’t that seem ridiculous? Wouldn’t we tell them to get over it and that adjusting your behaviour while in the presence of other children, younger or older, is just part of life? Yes. Yes, we would.

See? Nobody is dead. We can do this!

So what if your kid has to adjust her tactics when playing alongside a four year old, or two year old, or a one month old? Is it a tragedy? No. Is it unfair? Hardly. It’s called learning boundaries, and it’s just part of growing up and being part of a community. I expect my two year old to be mindful of other kids around her, especially when they’re younger than her, so why should someone’s seven year old get a free pass from doing the same thing? Kids and adults exhibit all kinds of behaviours at the park, and a lot of them can be infuriating. Here is what I qualify as a valid frustration: kids pushing each other, parents not supervising their children, an adult creeper, kids bullying other kids, parents bullying other parents, parents bullying children, someone throwing sand, mulch, or stones, or someone poking someone else’s eye out with a stick. Do you know what an invalid frustration would be? SCOFFING AT TODDLERS WHO ARE EXPLORING AND HAVING FUN AND ARE UNDER THE SUPERVISION OF ADULTS.

The woman also mentioned that there are toddler specific structures at parks all around our city. I’d like to point out that I live within walking distance of six parks, only one of which has toddler specific equipment. The only other two I’m aware of are at least a fifteen minute drive from my house. Now, maybe there are a whole slew of these fancy-pants parks with toddler equipment around, but I’m sure that there are a ton of families with kids under five who do not live within walking distance of them. I’m also sure that we can all agree it would be absurd to ask these parents to find and drive to a fancy-pants park every time their kid wants to play outside. Besides, what does this woman expect parents of multiple children to do? If you’ve got one kid that meets the “age requirement” and one that doesn’t, are you supposed to forego trips to the park altogether, or does your younger child have to sit on the grass watching all the big kids play?

I’ll give this mom one thing – she has obviously taught her kids about being respectful towards children younger than them, as demonstrated by their choice not to play on the slides that day for fear of hurting someone else by accident. That’s great; truly, I applaud that. Now what about teaching them about making a choice and living with it? The girls chose not to play while the toddlers were on the playground. They could have played anyway and simply adjusted their behaviour, but they chose not to and I doubt that anybody forced them to make that decision. Same as nobody forced the mother to take her kids to another park; they very well could have found something else to do until the toddlers were done. The mother could’ve suggested the girls play tag, have a picnic, have a handstand contest, pick flowers- shall I continue? Nobody forced her kids to not play on the playground and nobody forced her to take them somewhere else, so she should stop acting like that’s what happened and stop trying to force toddlers to go elsewhere as well.

Quite frankly, as long as my daughter has adult supervision, there’s no reason why she shouldn’t be allowed on a “non-toddler specific” park. Kids aren’t in danger of getting hurt simply because there is someone bigger or older around. They’re in danger when someone is acting like a jackass, no matter what their age. A two year old can accidentally hurt another two year old just as easily as a seven year old could, and a seven year old can injure another seven year old just as easily as they could someone smaller. I understand that having an adult around doesn’t eliminate the risk, but it’s the best chance at minimizing it, and that’s pretty much all you can ask for. Banning one age or another from a playground isn’t going to necessarily keep anyone safe, so let’s just focus on teaching our children to learn some boundaries and respect each other, and hope for the best.

-Alice

P.S. I know that this was my longest rant to date, but it was either write a two page letter on my blog or track this woman down and smack-attack the bitch.